Cheri Strange, Christian Speaker and Author

       It’s February! What a perfect time to think about relationships and love. Like all other aspects of life, I suspect you are like me, wanting relationships that exceed mediocrity. Not only do we want our marriages to last – we desire for them to thrive, exceeding even our expectations. Whatever our realities, the desire for a successful marriage lives within us.

       What makes a thriving, successful marriage? This will be the topic of the majority of my blogs this month. Experts in marriage have identified trends within marriages that last. We will look at ten qualities that separate the failures from the successes.

       The first notable difference is the level of commitment.

       Good marriages share a commitment to their marriage for life. They view this level of commitment as a positive choice to care for the other, learning to trust them and love them while meeting the other’s needs.

What does this type of commitment look like?

1.       When things are not going well, the only option is to work through it – not call it quits. (Note: this research does not reflect instances of marital abuse).

2.       Remember that marriage is a marathon, not a relay. We don’t pass the baton to someone else when we get tired or our legs hurt, nor do we give it all we’ve got for a while and stop.  We do the things that promote a successful endurance run --- and we stay in the race until we finish. I loved this quote from Jim Conway, Ph.D.  “Endurance includes a determination to see the positives in the relationship and in the mate. The person with endurance focuses on the big picture and knows this present problem isn’t all there is.”

3.       Ask the Lord to help us learn to trust our mate, and him to trust us. Then we do only what builds trust and stay clear of what tears it down. Trust is not only built in the big aspects of marital faithfulness, but in the mundane stuff of life. If we say we will be home at a certain time, then we should make every effort to be there. If we agree to do a certain task for the other person, we should do it. The good news is that trustworthy behavior can be learned, just as untrustworthy behavior can be unlearned, and

4.       Time together. Intentionally planning time together has been found to be more important than communication and compatibility. In fact, research shows that couples who get divorces generally spend less time together that those who have lasting marriages.

Certainly this is not all there is in terms of a lifetime commitment – but I hope you find this it helpful. I know I did. Personally, it’s time for me to get in some intentional time with my man – WITHOUT the girls. I’m off to clear some time on the calendar. Something will have to go, so that WE can go!